Shameful

I've written books. I've written a lot of books, sixteen to be exact. So far, I've published three, am editing four right now, and have seven more I want to write. It's a lot to wrap my head around at times. Yet, this doesn't make me a good writer, though someday I believe I will be one. Right now, my problem is not with writing. It's with editing. I hate it. I'm not good at it. To spend time doing it really unnerves me. It is, however, my biggest weakness. Because I know I'm bad at it, I've been practicing writing better so the editing isn't so bad. Irregardless, that hasn't worked either (just read one of my last blogs concerning Burden to understand this viewpoint).

A few month ago I thought to publish a book or two on my own. I edited, re-edited, re-edited some more, and finally said enough's enough. They had to be pretty decent considering all the time I put into them, so I was about to make a go of it on my own. Then, perchance, I got an editing offer I couldn't refuse and took it. Sure, it'd delay me a month or two, but it'd be worth it. AND, because I've already edited the hell out of these books already, it shouldn't take that long. I have a single word to describe my editing after receiving my fully edited novels back; shameful. Thanks to the new editor, hundreds of mistakes I overlooked were found.  Just how this was possible, I don't know, though I've formulated an opinion on my editing ability: I suck!

Anyway, I've updated one of the two books I've received back and am working on the second, which I hope to finish within the week. Then both will be edited again and my changes gone over. Maybe then I'll call them good, but for now I can only say an author can only edit his work to a point before all is lost. This is my realization. No matter how much I may try to edit, another set of eyes will always find mistakes. Hopefully, I can limit those mistakes in the books to come.

And for those who've read Jeremiah Stone, Limbus, and Azazel; I'm working on those also so please don't think all my books will contain so many grammatical mistakes. After all, it takes time to be good at something, so I'm spending some time at editing. Wish me luck.

Good and Bad

So I've had to do a bit of research on Astrology lately for my current project along with looking into the fabled mysticism of Tarot in order to create a scene vital to the story line. From this, I've put together a scene in which the main character gets a Reading and I interpret the results based on my research (and it's something I don't want to get wrong). So, after a bit of time, I've come up with my plan and executed it hoping I wasn't way off base. Guess what, after sending the section of the book off to a friend who knows a friend who does Readings, I was able to get some positive feedback. I'd gotten it correct (mostly) and with only a few minor tweaks, it'd stand up under scrutiny. After all, I like things I've written to be plausible, even for fiction. For me, the believability factor is crucial (as I suspect it is with most authors).

Anyway, with this out of the way, I can continue to let the story unfold. Best of all, with my good guys acting as bad guys and my bad guys acting nice, the main character is caught in a dilemma of who can she trust and not trust as she's pulled in every direction except the one she wants to go. And with a love interest thrown into the mix, her decisions are often not what they should logically be, especially since the Tarot Reading suggested any venture into love will end in tragedy. Of course, she doesn't remember much of the Reading because of the stress of the situation. Oh well, her loss.

Now for the bad news: I've run out of time to write. For a period there, I was jamming along, but then my trip finished, I got home, and things have come to a screeching halt. Yard work, house work, camping, family, etc… it all prevents me from following my passion to the point I've lost my focus on the book. I’m stuck, wandering aimlessly about as if I don’t know where the story should head next, even if I did have time to write. This isn't good and reminds me of my time spent on Burden, something I dread repeating. Either way, I've come to a halt and hope to someday soon get back in the writing mood. Until I have time, I’ll jut have to ponder the possibilities and bide my time.

Perfection

I've come to the conclusion (as probably every authors have) that a book is never perfect. There are always tweaks and choices to be made, actions or descriptive to be added, and character development to fiddle with. But at some point we all say enough is enough and publish the darn thing foregoing the one last re-write. I have done this and regretted it a bit as I've re-read parts and pieces from each of the stories I've put into print and made tiny adjustments or massive changes based on feed back I've received or just my mindset at that moment in time. Though never fear, the core story remains the same and putting out another version with the minor fixes is easy. Now back to my point; finding perfection or lack there of. Today just happened to be a prime example of this. 

With a bit of free time, I looked over the current book I'm writing, Child of Need. It's good and I'm being a bit more thoughtful, a bit more descriptive, and looking for just the right turn of phrase instead of just getting words onto paper. Even then, as I read a paragraph I'd written just a week ago, I found a half dozen things I needed to change, add, or delete. Frustrated with finding so many errors (at least in my opinion), I decided to look into another book I've had an odd feeling about, Azazel. Granted, Azazel is already published (which brings me back to a few regrets), but what's done is done. However, there's a part at the end of the book I've been thinking about for a while which doesn't seem to make sense, so I took a peek. A bit of re-writing and a paragraph later, it sound and reads better, but it's still not done. The one change has cascaded into a few more changes which are needed as I ponder the ending even further. But having cleaned up some of it, I decided to move on to another story I've been working on, a novel concerning Limbus. Again, changes ensued, though not a new word written.

In all three cases, what was perfectly fine once was changed, tweaked, or altered in order to make it read smoother, better, or just make more sense. Yet, in a week, I'll go back and look over those changes again and may undo what I changed. In a way it sucks, but for the most part its a necessary process we all go through. Now if we only had an editor who could read our minds and adjust the story accordingly, we'd all be good. Unfortunately, I can barely read my own mind at times, so that's just not happening for me. For now and the near future, I'll just have to deal with my imperfections.

And let the editing continue.....

What's happening NOW!!!

You know, I'm not really keeping up on my blog like I want, but than work hasn't been cooperating much lately. Long nights and seventeen hours days does leave one a bit tired and unmotivated. Today, however, I'm beginning to reverse the process. With some time to myself, I wrote 2,000 words on top of the 6,000 I started a few days ago in Child of Need. It's not much, but its progress and I can't argue with any time I get to write. And I'm actually liking the story. I was unsure of it at first, but the time I've spent rolling the idea around in my head has lent itself to a good start (at least I think so). 

This is also the first time I've tried to write from a woman's point of view. This isn't to say I haven't written women's parts before, but this book will solely be from her view. So far, I find it a little daunting as I have to take a step back and see myself as more emotional and reactive instead of logical and proactive (a main theme to the male characters I write). While this doesn't seems overly difficult, it's out of the norm for me causing me to change the opening few scenes already. I must say, however, it adds a level of unpredictability to the story which hasn't been a bad thing.

The other thing I've noticed is I've created the main character (Cassandra) to be a bit of a bitch. She's uptight, self-righteous, and stubborn, though inside she's quite the opposite. All I can say for now is I like her. In a few chapters that may change, but it seems to work at the moment.

Now for something completely different; a moment of poetry I attempted years ago. (PS - Don't read into it too much because its just the ramblings of a disturbed man....me...LOL)

Now

Time is a distant memory

      Passing though the oblivion of an honest mind

To think of here and now

      Is perception’s past of the meaningless kind

Were figments of thoughts

      Are delayed in glorious and righteous truth

The end of eternity

      Where existence lies without concrete proof

The sum of a perfect life

      Souls caught within heaven’s majestic sight

Cherishing moments peace

      Finding strength in Christ’s overwhelming light

Standing before pearly gates

      Within touching distance of pure faith and grace

Stepping into perfection

      And into the reality of God’s enlightened place

A journey's completion

      The end and beginning of a very adverse road

Where destiny provides

      Into his graces and truth my soul has been sold

Problem Solved

Since finishing Burden, I've tried to decide what project I should take on next only to have it fall upon Child of Need. Again, the book will take a little bit of research to complete, but I think it will be by far simpler than Burden. As to what the book is about, think about the possibility of Astrology actually having more meaning than just offering up personality traits. What if the alignment of the planets imbued powers unto a few who were born at the right place at exactly the right time? And now base those powers on what we know of Greek Mythology. For instance, what if being born under the planet Mars (known for being the God of War) imbued an aggressive, confrontational nature? Take it one step further and it could provide the answer to Hitler, Genghis Khan, or Napoleon. Think about it, but for now I’ll leave you with just that.

As for Burden, I've printed it off and given it to my son to read. He’ll be done with it in a couple days, since he’s an avid reader, and I’ll get my first feedback on the story. From there, I’ll make a few corrections (depending on his response), then push it toward editing.

And speaking of editing, I've decided I’ll start working on my series of nine books in between corrections on Burden, co-authoring Dream Savior, and writing Child of Need. It’s a lot to deal with, but just as when I was writing Burden, I was working on the beginning of three other books and editing two others. I guess I’m just a gluten for punishment when it comes to taking on projects.

Now for something different: Willful Denial

I trail my fingertips across her breeding hips and ponder the smoothness of her skin. It makes me wonder of the future, of where my life is heading, and whether I shall ever leave a legacy upon this world, if even such a thing matters. I doubt it, as I imagine the pitter-patter of feet echo through my mind. In some ways I hope it never comes to pass because what is there to live for in this world. I witness suffering, crime, and societal degradation daily. These things do not lighten my heart, but rather puts a burden upon it. Still, there must be some value to this existence, some importance for being here. Then I remember myself and peer downward only to find you at me side. My life does have meaning because you have touched it. You have given significance where none has existed before. Knowing this, feeling this, experiencing this only makes me realize I will not deny this from another, especially an unborn child.